Protect Your Heart
by Lily Luna Longbottom
Summary: Everything James believes in falls to peices when he is betrayed in one of the worst ways possible. Warnings: alchohol abuse


__Mini shout- out to Disco-Sadistic because I used her stories for inspiration. Check them out. :)__

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize, as much as I wish I did._

James POV

I could hear the rain pelting down on the castle walls from outside as I patrolled the castle. I was supposed to be patrolling with Evans, see as we were both heads, but she had owled me last minute saying she wouldn't be showing up due to some sort of illness. She hadn't seemed sick today in classes but I figured it could be the 24 hour flu. I'd gotten that a couple of weeks ago. One minute you were fine and the next you were doubled over the toilet retching your guts out, then next thing you knew, you were fine again.

I walked past a couple dark, empty classrooms, stopping every couple doors to listen for any activity. I heard something coming from a supply closet a couple feet away, walked up to the door and threw it open.

"Hey, guys, I know..." I trailed off seeing who was on the other side of the door. My best mate, or should I say former best mate, was wrapped in the legs of my dream girl, snogging passionately. I felt sick.

The two finally clued in to the fact that I was standing there, mouth hanging open.

"Prongs, it's not what it looks like!" Sirius yelled, dropping Evans.

"Potter, I-I..." Evans stuttered.

I had nothing to say, instead I turned and ran. Ducked through secret passage-ways finding the first door outside. I sprinted to the edge of the Forbidden Forest, fell to my knees and began to heave into the bushes. Once my stomach was emptied of everything I had eaten in the past 12 hours, I wiped my mouth and fell to the ground,shaking. Wrapping my arms around my knees, I cried for everything I once believed was true, as my world fell apart around me.

OOOOOOOO

I was standing just outside the Forbidden Forest, the same place I'd run to three weeks ago when it first happened. I raised the firewhiskey bottle to my lips and felt several drops fall into my mouth. Empty. I chucked the bottle into the forest and heard it clank against one of the other empties lying in the bushes_._

_ Everything has changed in the past three weeks_, I thought as I lit the cigarette and brought it to my lips. I inhaled the smoke, hoping it would clear my head. It didn't work. I thought I could trust Sirius. Did seven years of friendship mean nothing to him? Not that he was the only one to blame. I had thought that me and Lily had been getting along a lot better since the beginning of the year. I'd been beginning to think she might be willing to give me a shot. I guess not.

Since that day, I'd been drowning my sorrows in firewhiskey. I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. I hadn't scheduled a quidditch practice in two and a half weeks, I hadn't slept in four days and I missed the last full moon. I felt awful for ditching Remus like that, but I couldn't look at Sirius without seeing him and Lily intwined in that closet.

`That image was all I could see when I closed my eyes. Sirius and Lily. Lily and Sirius. The strange thing was, Sirius was everything Lily had said I was. Sure, there was _a ton _of awesome stuff about him to, but if Lily couldn't see the good in me, why could she see the good in him? It was almost funny how ironic it was. Almost.

I just couldn't believe that Sirius would betray me like that. He knew how I felt about Lily. For five years of the seven I've known him, I've been obsessed with Lily Evans. He knew it would kill me to lose her, especially to him. My best mate and my dream girl. I guess seven years of friendship really does mean nothing to him.

I don't even know how I feel about Lily anymore. I just wanted her so bad, I'm so through with that. Yet, I feel like I can never fully let her go. She'll always be part of me. Not just the one that got away, but the one who tore apart the Marauders and then got away. I should hate her for it. I don't.

I heard people talking, obviously coming from the castle. Recognizing the voices as Sirius and Lily, I dove into to the bushes to hide. I heard a crack as I landed full force onto one of the bottles and felt it crunch beneath me. A large peice of glass had embeded itself into my knee. Looking down at my leg, the first thing I noticed was the blood, there was _alot_ of blood. I heard them getting closer and sunk back further into the bushes. My vision started getting fuzzy around the edges and my head started spinning from blood loss. They were right in front of me, so close I could hear them talking.

"I can't believe I did that to him, I'm such an idiot." It was Sirius, his voice was filled with regret.

"It's not your fault, I started it. I didn't believe you when you said he loved me. I wanted to prove you wrong. In the end, it was me who was wrong. How could I have been so wrong?" I heard tears in her voice.

_Wrong. So,so wrong... _I thought as everything went black.

OOOOOOOO

The lights were bright, hurting my eyes the first time I tried opening them. Part of me hoped it was heaven, I just wanted to leave the mess of life I had behind. Another part of me desperately hoped to open my eyes and be in my bed, safe and warm, the past three weeks, all a dream.

I blinked quickly a couple times trying to get my eyes o adjust to the light. Finally, I opened my eyes fully. I immediatly knew where I was, being in this position mulitiple times before from quidditch games, backfiring pranks, Slytherin curses and rough full moons. I was in the hospital wing. Four faces timedly leaned over the bed, coming to view. As I saw who was waiting for me to awaken, I felt bile rise in my throat. It was Remus, Peter, Sirius and Lily. Closing my eyes, I willed them to disappear. I opened my eyes to find that it did not work, they were all still there. I closed my eyes again.

"I think Peter and I should leave." Remus explained. "I'll see you guys later." I heard two sets of footsteps retreating down the hall.

"Should we try to explain?" It was Lily.

"No, give him a couple minutes. He'll stop ignoring us eventually."

"Are you sure, Sirius? I mean, he's been ignoring us for three weeks."

"Yeah, but he can't run away now. He's stuck here, he has to listen, he has nothing else to do."

"Well, I guess your right, but he was really mad. Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"For the last time, Evans, YES. I know him, once we explain ourselves,he'll forgive you."

"Good." She sounded relieved. "Wait! What about you? Won't he forgive you?"

"Merlin, I hope so, but the chances aren't high."

"Why though? I'm as much fault as you."

"Yes, but he trusted me. I knew he loved you and I still went along with it. I know I should have stopped but..."

"What Sirius?"

"He's just always got everything he wanted. His family was great, he's quidditch captain, he gets amazing grades, he's good looking. Until his parents died a year ago, you were the only thing he could never have."

"Then you had me."

"Yeah... I just wanted to have something he didn't, but then he caught us and I- I just felt awful. I've barely slept the past three weeks, just hoping he wasn't up on the astronomy tower again."

"What are you talking about? The atronomy tower?"

"I-it was just this thing he went through a while ago, after his parents died."

"He didn't try to-"

"STOP." I said sitting up. I couldn't take it anymore, listening to them talk about me.

"James, I didn't mean to tell her about-"

"I said stop! She doesn't need to know anymore about anything. I do need to know something, though."

"What? Anything James." Lily exclaimed.

"I know Sirius' self-centred, pathetic reason," I shot him a dirty look, he had the decensey to look ashamed. "What's yours?"

She looked at me, her eyes wavering, unsure of what to do next.

"I was scared."

"What does that have to do with you kissing Sirius?"

"I was trying to prove him wrong. He said that you loved me and I loved you."

"So did you prove him wrong?"

"No."

"Oh."

"And it scared me. You scared me."

"What the hell could I do to scare you?"

"You stopped being a self-worshipping prat."

"I thought that's what you wanted."

"It was, I mean, it is. It's just, if I don't hate you then what do I feel for you? I was scared that-" She took a breath. "That I was falling for you."

"And what did you figure out?"

"I'm not scared anymore." I looked over and realized that, at some point during the conversation between Lily and I, Sirius had snuck away. Maybe I could forgive him eventually. Just maybe.

Lily slowly leaned toward me, stopping about an inch from my face.

"What did _you_ figure out?" She whispered.

"I'm still scared, what if you break my heart again?"

"How about we make a deal? How about I give you my heart to protect and in return, I'll protect your heart?"

"Deal." I got out right before our lips smashed together.

OOOOOOOOO

Just outside the door, Sirius could be found smiling fondly at the scene berore him.

"He really does get everything he wants..." he laughed to himself, shaking his head. He knew James deserved it all, though. He loved him to death and he knew that he would never betray him again and if anyone else did, he would kill them or die trying...


End file.
